I got stuck with this song in the back of my head about a week ago. I remember watching this series on TV and even decided to rewatch it a couple of years back.
I'm surprised they haven't removed it yet due to copyright concerns but the full series is up on youtube.
Why am I telling you this? Well, it hasn't got anything to do with the series, strangely, though it's a nice watch. No, I'm telling you this because the song is wonderfully sad and when I listen to it I am overwhelmed with feelings. Memories, but also feelings of very painful nostalgia. Even good memories can hurt a lot, sometimes more than bad memories.
I have one major problem and it has been part of my episodes of depression since the beginning:
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"I can't move on."
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I find myself unable to let the past by the past and let go of the things that I love. On top of that, I find myself growing too easily attached to fictional characters. I care TOO MUCH about what happens to them.
Yes, I'm talking about Stith and the one story that has been written about her that I just can't forget, even though the authors have let it go long, long ago. I'm talking about 'Lachrimae' again. I even went as far as to base my latest work on it, because it was so well-written and wonderfully sad, yet only 8 of the 45 chapters remain on fanfiction.net.
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/2485673/1/Lachrimae
If you read these first 8 chapters, you'll catch a glimpse of how much passion went into this piece. Not only did it make for a worthy Stith backstory, but it is by far the best piece of fanfiction in the history of Titan A.E.'s forgotten fandom. I wish they had uploaded the remaining chapters for everyone to enjoy, even though the story was never finished, even after 45 chapters.
AO3 allows for the upload of any kind of content, so that would've taken care of both the violent and the juicier parts of later chapters and it even allows the uploader to dissociate onself with the story if he or she so desires so they won't be bothered anymore. It would have made me the happiest man on Earth of they had done that.
The sad truth is, they moved on long ago.
Life often feels to me like it's all about saying goodbye and letting go of the things we love at some point.
Why can't I?
Hi everyone,
Hope you're all doing well. I haven't been on here for a couple of years now.
Many of your probably thought I had left for good and for a period of time I thought so too.
I thought I was done with writing and after finishing the Boundaries to Break I couldn't bring myself to finish Shattered Universe or continue developing the series of Imperial Guard shorter stories I was developing at the time. My life is still a wild rollercoaster of mostly unpleasant things that I have a hard time dealing with.
About Shattered Universe, I will not be continuing this fanfic. It's a prime example of a flawed piece that has too many problems to fix. It was fun to write but now that I look back at it, there are lots of cringeworthy moments. Mostly melodrama, unrealistic plot elements, OOC dialogue and at least one original character crossing into Mary Sue territory. I will leave the (unfinished) trilogy up, but it's officially cancelled.
On the other hand, I have gone back to writing again because I felt that Imperial Guard could be a very fun ride for me as a writer. Even of no one reads it, I just like developing a world and characters and make them come alive. It's what I've missed during the last couple of years of complete standstill. I couldn't get it out of my head and after more than three years, I started writing the ideas down and now I've written almost four new chapters in an equal number of weeks.
Been using fanfiction.net and archiveofourown.org to post everything because the DA text editor is very markup unfriendly and kills all the subtle italicized words unless I add the HTML tags myself.
I'm also going back to the Boundaries to Break. I loved writing that story. So I'm giving the chapters on FF and AO3 a healthy edit so that any future readers (if anyone's left alive in this fandom at all) are presented with a better piece of writing. It will not change the story at all. It will only fix spelling, grammar, any persisting inconsistencies, sentence structure et cetera. et cetera. Might even add more details to certain scenes here and there. Chapter 1 is already done.
So in other words. I'm not gone. I'm writing again and I wish you all the best.
Might even start requesting commissions again.
Hey guys, watchers, friends, everyone. I know it's been a long while since I last touched deviantART. That has a reason and I will tell in a moment. It is just that for a while now I haven’t felt like writing or posting anything. I’m working a full-time job as a software engineer but that doesn’t really have much to do with it, although I do have a lot less spare time than when I was still studying.
No, I’ve had a pretty rough past and I sometimes I have the feeling I have been fighting through life most of the time. Of course I’ve had fun too but I always felt it took me just a little more effort to enjoy than the people around me. And yeah, people have never told me before but eventually you start noticing that you’re different. In your behavior compared to others, interests, hobbies, everything. When I got older I started thinking differently about the world (because of my past) but I also started coping with feelings of depression more what’s good for a healthy person.
So that’s why I decided to take it to a psychologist. He was a really great help. During the last couple of weeks I’ve discovered so much about myself. More than I ever knew. Now I know much more about who I am and how I can deal with negative feelings and emotions. I had been fighting a constant battle with myself and the world around me. So I took a large variety of tests to find out if anything was wrong, have been talking more to people about certain things/problems/feelings/ideas. As it turns out, the conclusion of the whole thing is that I have been diagnosed with Asperger syndrome and I’ve had that feeling for a while now, before I took the tests, before I even started talking to a psychologist or to my parents.
Back to deviantART, story writing and just being creative. I am planning to make my comeback. I’m sorry for disappearing all of a sudden. I was really enjoying deviantART and FanFiction but was having difficulty managing my timetable (partly because I’m setting impossible goals for myself because of my condition) and I feel (even though it doesn’t have to be) that I don’t have time to get anything done. But I’m not ready to give up on everything I’ve created up till now. I love you guys, love your art and of course the commissions I’ve done with some of you in the past. So I’m coming back, starting with this journal. I’m going to catch up on all the art you’ve created in the meantime and will try to start posting again because I still have lots of ideas that I want to work out. You might see my posts appearing under your works again soon.
Book of the Mantrin - A Reference GuideBased upon the character of Stith
(Stith, Mantrins and Titan A.E. Copyright of 20th Century Fox)
Contents Preview
Planets
Sogowa Prime (short: Sogowa)
Solbrecht
Mantrins - The Species and its Races
Biology
Internal Anatomy
Mantrins and Their Races (Updated Jan 5th 2014)
Culture
Language
Body Language
Social Structure
Standards, Values, Do’s and Don’ts
Clothes
Body Decoration
Art
Music
Song and Dance
Religion
Competitive Fighting
The Imperial Guard
Corruption
The Downfall
A New Beginning
The Uniform
Ships of the Line
Tyr’derra Class (Battleship)
Laeisia Class (Battle Cruiser)
Aldanar Class (Assault Carrier)
Myr’loa Class (Cruiser)
Technology (New since Dec 29th 2013)
Equipment
Weapons
Note: Subject to change at all times
04 Mantrins and Their RacesMantrins and Their Races
The great diversity of Mantrins lies within the different races which share many characteristics in common but with each having unique traits of their own. This special section describes a number of some of the unique races of Mantrin that walk the surface of both Solbrecht and Sogowa and once shared one planet.
Sogowan (Created by Fox Animation Studios)
Average Lifespan: 80 - 100 (Earth years)
Age of sexual maturity: 11
Age of adulthood: 20
Gestation period: 1 (Earth year)
Average height: 6'0" - 7'4" (182 - 224 cm)
Average weight: 220 - 260 pounds (about 100 - 118 kg)
Estimated % of total population (not counting crossbreeds): 28% (Sogowa), 26% (Solbrecht)
The moment you meet your very first Mantrin, there is a pretty big change that he or she belongs to the Sogowan race. Making up for more than a fourth of th
The Boundaries to Break: Chapter 1Chapter 1 The Usual School Day
Have you ever experienced that moment when you looked straight into a guy’s eyes, and instantly and undoubtedly knew he was going to be that special person in your life for whom you would be prepared to sacrifice everything? Some people might say it only happens once in a lifetime. Well, let me tell you this, it happened to me. It was just little bit different from what you, me and everyone around me expected. But there’s no way to expect it. It just happens, suddenly, when you least expect it...
As I stand here, on the grass-covered hills around the town of Tharea on the surface of Sogowa Prime, with the last warming rays of the early summer sun, caressing the exposed skin on my arms as it sets in the distance, inhaling the fresh air scented with sweet blossom, I think back of how it all started. Far away on another world. A world I never really called my own, despite the fact that I was born there. My name is Rachel S
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